Where the Eff Have I Been!?

Ten minutes ago I woke up from a nice long refreshing night of sleep, stood up, brushed the pine needles off my sleeves, flicked the dried up vomit stains off of my pant legs, and walked out of the ditch towards my house to start my day.  After I walked into my living room, it wasn't until the deafening sound of sobs of joy from my girlfriend over my return, and the constant tear filled repeated statement of "Where have you been for the last four months" had all died down that it finally dawned on me:  When was the last time I updated my blog?

In all seriousness, I have absolutely no idea.

For four long months I have been through arduous tasks and nightmarish scenarios.  Terrible, unspeakable hells that only the most spiritually pure, and morally strong can overcome.  Thankfully I am made of that fiber.  For I am Bob.

To give you a taste of what revelations I will pour upon you (hopefully), here is just a taste of the trials and tribulations of the factual content that has most recently been poured onto my life.

• Living rooms had to be refurbished.
• Furniture had to be bought.
• Said furniture then had to be put together.
• Laundry was to be washed, rinsed and repeated.
• Movies bought then forgotten. 
• Legos all over the floor.
• Roof repairs.
• Roof destruction.
• Lawnmower havoc.
• Finding lost friends through the sin that is Facebook.
• Committing a sin by ignoring the unholy god that is Facebook.
• Pee jokes.
• Poop jokes
• Pee & Poop jokes
• Mid to hi level mid-life criseses(?)
• Non anal based doctor visits
• Rampant sexual fabrications that cannot be described in words.

And the list goes on!

Now I know, nay, I feel your compassion for me and all the hardships that I have gone through, but that still does not excuse the fact that I have ignored my loyal, obedient fanbase. I emptily promise to do my best to keep you entertained on a basis, whether it be regularly or semi-regularly.  Because it's good for you, it's good for all of us and more importantly it's good for me.

So feel safe knowing that I have not left you behind, that your days will always be filled with laughter and that you are more than welcome to not leave a comment after any post I make.  Because you guys never do.

So it's a Fact: I'm more than likely going to write about how I crapped myself at a comedy club than I am about anything on that list.  It was alot funnier than me buying furniture.