Frozen Glory!

For those of you who happen to be lucky enough to live anywhere near me you may have noticed that this winter was a prime example of God literally shitting on mankind. One minute there was nothing on the ground, the next over two feet of unholy snow. Some would like to call this a 'Winter Wonderland'. I call it frozen hell on Earth.

As far as the eye could see there was nothing but a plateau of white. Houses were nothing more than mounds of powdered sugar, the streets could no longer be seen and to top it all off, icicles of death hung about everywhere. Yes, frozen hell indeed.

When the city workers finally got around to actually plowing the streets they ended up creating giant snow berms that would block your driveway so you couldn't leave your house. I'd post a picture of these fantastic mounds of snow, but just as quickly as it came it all vanished. Gallons upon gallons of rain recently poured down upon us and it has almost all disappeared in a glorious example of God literally pissing on mankind. Anyways, back to the point.

Immediately I ran outside to start the painful process of shoveling snow. After I got done jumping up and down like an idiot in my driveway, and swearing at the sky for all the snow that was dumping down on me, I stopped for a moment and stared at all of the snow that surrounded me in it's ominous gloom. And in this gloom I got this strange feeling: Childhood Reminiscence!

When I was a young Bob and braved the wild untamed wilderness that was known as Priest Lake, Winter was always like this. Matter of fact it was worse than this. The snow was deeper, the temperature was colder, but my family and I would always make the best of it and adapt. With our mountain man like knowledge we would use the snow to our advantage, like using the icicles from the roof to hunt wild game, or create 'snow presents' for Christmas.

For me though winter didn't mean it was time to play survival games, and avoid the temptation to eat your family members to live another day. No it meant something completely different.

The second any snow hit the ground I got all suited up in my snow gear (pants, boots, gloves, hunting rifle for any yeti) and dove outside to start creating. Create what you may ask? Forts! That's right, Snow Forts! Now I know what you might be saying to yourself: "Wow Bob, only over 1/3 of America's children have done that in their lifetime, I couldn't really give a lesser shit!" and you'd be right, but just bare with me.
I just didn't make forts, I made Forts! Forts that were so massive and massively complex that they boggled the mind just looking at them. Taller than I could ever hope to be, complete with tunnels, defenses for intruders, and a ready supply of weapons for those 'just in case' scenarios. And do you know what the basis for these Forts were? You guessed it, those damn giant snow berms that the snow plows make in front of your driveway. So you can only imagine how long these Forts stretched out too.

God forbid if I had a few friends over to help make a Fort, then it was not just a fort but a monstrosity. An ungodly monstrosity that nobody dare enter but those who were baptised and blessed to enter from the beginning. Making these did come at a price though: Time. It took hours and hours of time in the freezing cold to complete a true, dignified Snow Fort. God only knows how I never got frostbite or picked up by a wandering yeti, mistaken for its young.

Dozens of the damn things were made over the winter months, and I mean literally dozens of them! Like a beautiful frozen empire stretched out over our lawn, and all of it mine (no siblings allowed)! Because these forts weren't just limited to the Berms, nope, I'd roll up giant ass snow balls and make Forts out of those bastards too. It was never enough.

Sadly though all good things must come to an end. As the winter months faded, so did too my wonderful creations. They disappeared slowly before my eyes day by day as the temperature rose. All I could do was stare out the window and get distracted by something else.

This whole horrid winter experience, and coincidentally this Fact, made me look back upon my crazy Fort creating days as a child with a particular fondness yet sadness. As I walked around to wherever it was that I was going and passed one of those giant ass berms of snow on the side of the road it brought up those memories of playing in the snow for hours on end like an idiot. I just wanted to dive in and start making something, ANYTHING, as long as it resembled something like a Snow Fort. Unfortunately I constantly played the role of the responsible adult and never jumped in the snow like a babbling fool. Besides I didn't have any snow pants.

So it's a Fact: If I could have found a way to keep everything from melting as child, you could be bowing down in front of me in my frozen palace of terror which lay in the center of my ever expanding Ice Empire!