First I would like to start off on a positive high note and force you to explore some of the miraculous things that I experienced. Earlier this month I received a text message from one of my best friends informing me that he was in the hospital awaiting the birth of his second offspring. Being the dutiful friend that I am, I immediately sent a text message to him and his wife that was nothing short of girly giggles and the emoticon equivalent of spastic five year old jumping up and down in a frantic pixie stix high. Then I told him I'd be there after work.
Once I managed to get to the birthing center I was greeted by friends/family and sat down in excited discomfort, waiting for the good news of the arrival of a freshly minted child. Sure enough in about ten minutes we got it! My arrival dawned the arrival of a new life!
After they hosed down the new spawn, branded it and made sure it wasn't allergic to red dye no. 5, they allowed everyone to take a peak. Nothing beats that new baby smell!
Afterwards I congratulated my best friends wife on surviving the process of birth (which isn't fair to call her 'Best Friend's Wife', because she's one of my best friends too. But for clarity purposes we'll just leave it as is for right now), went to eat with my best friend, then promptly went out to celebrate by having a few drinks and then urinated in an alleyway.
So It's a Fact: My arrival will guarantee the birth of a child.
Oh yeah, that other stuff.
Well, now that I think about it all the scandalous stuff that happened to me this past month...I can't really talk about it. Why? For legal purposes. If the person(s) involved were to stumble across this (ugh) blog, then everything that I rant against said person(s) could very well be used in a court of law against me. I think.
And honestly the last thing that I need is for my life to start turning out like an episode of Boston Legal. Actually no, that would be great because then I would probably be having sex on a regular basis and I would win in court!
So It's Another Fact: My life is filled with shadowy plots you could never comprehend! Is it blown out of proportion for entertainment purposes, or watered down so you can handle it in small portions? You decide!
EPILOGUE
So after a month that's about all I can think of writing in just one post! Exciting isn't it! Sadly, I truly did sit down with the intention of writing down all the details of the 'scandalou' goings on this past month, but then it dawned on me that I couldn't. For that I kind of apologize. But, as the blurb says underneath the title, I vow to not be so effing lazy and post more often. I mean I think I'm pretty interesting, I'm plenty eager to write about myself! It's like mental masturbation.
Get that image out of your head.
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