Now, where was I when I started this whole thing?
So that whole summer of Change thing, I was going to go on and on about several more immeasurably intriguing events that had happened to me that I had even somehow managed to chronicle with pictures, partially moving pictures and pieces of flesh. But since I am now past the whole "I'm going to share my wonderful life of change with you" moment, I am merely going to summarize all of it into one Fact based post instead of actually sharing any of my eye melting multimedia that I now have locked in cold storage.
Why would I do such a horribly crude thing? Is it out of selfishness? Laziness? All I can say is partially yes to maybe and perhaps. But as I said earlier, it's best that you just forgive and forget and read on.
So what were the rest of the amazing adventures like that I partook upon, that were apparently so wonderfully life affirming that I felt the need to marginally distraught the world with my Fact Filled Tales on a poorly scheduled basis?
- Wakeboarding: While on my earlier fishing adventures I was also enticed to try and perform the ancient daredevil art of wakeboarding. At first I was dumbstruck at the mere suggestion that this recreational activity was brought forth to me. I thought that this sport of old had long since been retired in the 80's, along with such things as Aviator Sunglasses and Braided Mullets w/ Beads in them. Alas I was wrong. Wakeboarding lives! I was coerced into trying to perform this physically grueling task after several...beverages. And after said several beverages it is safe to say that I failed miserably. Watching me "learn" to Wakeboardwas either the funniest or most pathetice thing to have witnessed, I haven't decided. Even though common sense and repetition of failure should have taught me a lesson to stop doing something I'm not good at, I am not one to give up so easily. After three days of torture and pain I had finally conquered the board de la wake, and rode the waves like a true champ! For two minutes at a time, because my arms had turned to absolute Jello. Which ostensibly led to...
- Burnt Flesh: Because of my bullheadedness, and inability to realize I'm not good at something, I was also out in the flaming sun for hours on end. This left me with two things. The first being a righteous tan that lasted for approximately 12 hours, and the next being a sun burn bestowed upon me from Satan himself for no less than 2 weeks. This kids is what you get for never giving up! I know, I know, who cares, we all get tanned and then sun burnt. For me though, I only get pale or burnt, and I'm not even a red head. It's just that way for me. Sure I can get a mean farmers tan, but for some reason I just can't tan worth a damn (put that on a T-Shirt). Having a tan that made me look like I walked off the set of Miami Vice made me feel absolutely Bodacious!
- New Doo: Prior to all of this, I was planning on doing something that in retrospect is actually pretty lame, and I've actually done before in the printed Facts of Bob's Life. I was going to keep you all updated on the what nots of what I was going to do with my beautiful mane of hair. At the time (August I think) I was letting my hair get fairly shaggy, almost to the point to where I was looking like either the Norse God Thor, or Jim from the Office, so it was getting time to trim the locks. For me I only have two options for my hair, either I can have it terribly short or horribly long. There is no middle ground. If I have it mid length then I can't style it in any way, shape or form, and it looks like a big nest of greasy grunge crap. So I made the bold decision to shave it all off again, and took some beautiful pictures of myself, including a wonderful topless picture to prove it. I was planning on posting them but that obviously didn't happen. Who knows, by the end of this Fact I just might.
Anyhoo, now that this whole mess is over with I plan on getting things back to semi regular normality in some shape or form. But we all know how that goes, for all I know I won't post another Fact for six weeks, or it may be in twenty minutes from now. Mystery prevails!
So it's a Fact: Just like the Prologue the ending to this series of Change Based Facts is nothing but a big ol' Cocktease.
Bonus Fact: I used a capital W for Wakeboard because Wakeboarding owned my ass the entire time I tried to own it. Even after I finally figured out how to finally use the damn thing it still managed to punish my frail body for days after. So I will respectfully capitalize Wakeboard going ever forward.
Epic Bonus Fact: ...sigh...here are those pictures I promised.
Before I cut my nasty mange...
And after, plus I'm topless!